You voted on which part of my book you wanted me to share from my book, “The Accidental Purpose” and I thank you. Part of Chapter 1 won! Read below for a sneak peek of what is to come soon:) I hope you enjoy and please leave me a comment! I love getting feedback, but please honesty only!
“Every second of your life is a choice. Sometimes those choices make for exciting results. Other times those seconds can flip on a dime and a nightmare can present itself.” -Gina
I am driving home. Something is wrong. Very wrong. A horrible accident is occurring. Trying to recall where I am is scaring me in an unusually frightening way. I do not know what is happening to me right now. My mind pausing and drifting off rapidly all at the same time as different scenes are continually flashing though my exhausted brain. Perceiving is harder and faster than I am absorbing. I am so confused and my mind feeling disturbingly distorted. My thoughts are churning and twisting continually and I cannot comprehend anything. I am not sure what is happening to me right now. I am dizzy, trying desperately to see. I can’t see. I cannot open my eyes all of the way. They are heavy and feeling like they have been taped down and the tape is now trying to be removed. I am sensing a sticky residue on my eyes and it’s trying to seal them completely shut. It feels like I have a bad case of pinkeye. The goop, pain and irritation is frustrating. I need a warm washcloth to remove the gunk so I can see! The only thing I am seeing through this throbbing slit of my eye is some a sort of a web. It is filling itself with hazy images that are trying to reveal themselves.
This cloudy smoke lying before me is lingering and it is too blurry to capture anything. Not one single image or object can make its presence known to me. The spinning motion is making me feel sick. I am going to vomit. My stomach is jumping and I am shaking. The sensations of getting off of a high Ferris wheel are continuing as vertigo is settling in rapidly. I know it is not me moving, it is the room, I think …I am in. I cannot make it stop, but I am trying. I do not know where I am. I desperately try to open my tired and heavy eyelids. I must have been sleeping for weeks. Feeling groggy, I cannot conceive any sense of time and I am all alone. My mind will not tell me if I am really awake and I feel as if I am still dreaming. Struggling to get out of my dream and at the same time, I know intuitively I have to be awake if I feel like this. Confusion suddenly engulfing me, taking over and now fear is consuming every fiber of my being. I am in horrible pain and I am hurting all over, my head is hurting with a pain that is not familiar. Especially the stinging sensation in my eyes and I am weak. As I continue to struggle while trying to slow my eyes down just enough to focus on one thing, insanity is making itself known with craziness creeping quickly into my already exhausted mind. Minutes by minutes passing by as I am using every bit of strength left needed now to try and see all that is around me. I do not have the energy to do this.
Once again, I am forcing myself to catch one object. I am not obtaining anything and my vision field is rapidly changing and confusing me. All I can sense is the blurry and cloudy scene unfolding. It feels stagnant but yet spinning all at the same time. Feeling dizzy, round and round I go, reeling once again. I try to close my eyes now. I know at any moment I am going to throw up. My head won’t stop whirling into circles of infinity. It hurts too much to do this. My heart is pounding heavily and throbbing right out of my chest. It is skipping beats. I am praying hard as even my words are being scrambled, like eggs as I continue trying to even put my thoughts into some sort of order. Focusing while trying to string my words together to be heard is a daunting task. “Please Lord, help me, I am so scared” is all I can understand in my oscillating brain. Like a freight train roaring by, I am seeing something. I am waking up slowly and a little bit more as my thudding heart was rapidly increasing in beats and to what suddenly was revealing itself to be a ceiling. I am finally understanding a vision being presented before my body.
While realizing this is not my ceiling more anxiety continues and enters my body. Panicking more now and trying to get a grip on what the heck was happening, I am frightened more than anything. My ceiling does not have panel boards with holes in them. My ceiling fan is not spinning and humming above me. I do not know where I am. Intuitively and knowing right then and there something is not right and I am most certainly not dreaming. I am definitely awake. Feeling bewildered and powerless, oh GOD, I do not want to know! Please let me fall back to sleep. The trembling I am experiencing is nonstop while recognizing the feeling of hairs beginning to stick up all over my body and being left in complete distress. Accepting that I am very much awake but I have no conception of reality is torturing me. I am unable to move. I begin reaching an awareness that I am bound down and terrified. This is an extremely strange and foreign environment. I am unable to understand if I am in a hospital or a mental institution. I am terrified.
It is extremely bright and smells so sterile. I cannot figure out what the smell is, it is odd. Something smells like latex, or Lysol or some other cleaning agents. There is not any noise that I am hearing or any conversation going on. The quiet is much too eerie. Unexpectedly, I am beginning to recognize something. Hearing slight sounds of some type of beeping, some sort of rhythm, but I have no idea if it is next to me or far off in the invisible distance. At the same time, it is creepy quiet. This is much too surreal to understand or make sense of. Still panicking, I am trying with to speak with extreme force or utter a simple, “hello?”. Not a sound is coming out of me. I am unable to hear my own voice. Chills are running up and down my body. This is like a recurring nightmare. But this time I am stuck in it. It is what would be best described as the kind of dreams when I am running, falling and my voice will not allow me to scream for help. This appears to be real, but dreams often do. I still continue to try convincing myself I am only in dream. Or I should say, nightmare? “Please God, tell me I where I am?”
I am praying once again. While not recognizing anything familiar around me, I am totally defenseless and there is not anyone around to even notice me. While still trying to remember what was happening, only vaguely can I recall, that I was on my way driving to be a cohost on a talk show. That is right, it was via the internet in Mc Kinney, Texas. It is about a good forty minutes from where I live currently in Frisco TX. Memories are slowly beginning to surface now. I am wavering in and out with blurbs and snippets of recollections trying to break through. A swift short memory made its way. I now remember while on the show, I was talking about sports of all things. That is definitely not my area of expertise. Oh yes, that is right, I had sent in photo in response to a Craig’s List Ad. They were looking for a female model for a show. Now a bit more I am reminded slowly, receiving a call back and they viewed my photo. They wanted me on the show. Flashes of it all coming back now second by seconds, bits and pieces at a time. Pondering I thought, is this correct? Sort of…I think.
I was just a pretty face for their show to comment every now and then and there was no script. Recalling the show, along with the hosts informing me not to worry about what to say on the show. My thoughts lead me to wonder if perhaps they had drugged me and maybe that is why I am here. I am wondering where my husband is as I am floating in and out of consciousness. I am so disoriented. The ad, as I am recollecting thoughts slowly, read that they were in need of an attractive female presence. I accepted the offer and figured what the heck? It would be something different, fun and a little extra spend money. I agreed. More memories are flooding in as I am becoming more and more aware. I know I was on my way home after the show, I do remember it was January 15, 2012. But now I have no idea what the day is. On the drive home I do remember it was late and it was dark. Very dark. Somehow, I got turned around and ended up on a pitch black farm road. Realizing, all of a sudden, I knew I was lost. I am recollecting more of it now. I called my husband so he could direct me home. My car was getting low on gas and close to being on empty. I was nervous. I did not know how many miles were left to the gallon. I need to know what I should do. Maybe reset the odometer? I was trying to figure out where the heck I had gone wrong. I wanted to be home. One of the last memories I can retrieve was being on the phone with my husband, telling him I was lost. I can hear his voice in my throbbing head. I was talking with him and attempting to reset the odometer, I did not see any on coming headlights coming my way. I remember holding my head to my shoulder with my phone, using my other hand to reset the odometer, while partially holding on to the steering wheel. “Don’t panic Gina, you got it. “ I continually kept telling myself. At that point, I swerved to the right. “Whatever, I am fine”, I tried convincing myself, and I was back on the road.
Yes, memories engulfing inside of me now. I feel faint. I had my cell phone in one hand, driving with the other and I can still feel the anxiety that abruptly came creeping in. This is not good. I do recall trying to not make my husband aware of what had just happened by swerving off of the dark road, as I was veering off of this road without a shoulder. Suddenly I was hearing spinning gravel but, I realized quickly that I was spinning and heading in a downward motion. A sudden bursting of sounds shattering around me: the loud gravel crunching, my husband’s voice, my throbbing heart. I was on extremely lose ground. My wheels were spinning and into where I do not know. My last memory is one of my cell phone flying out of my hand. I said to my husband, “Oh no I am crashing”. That was it. Nothing more.
The police report read that I pulled the steering wheel too quickly, or so I learned later, and started to spin out of control and I over corrected the turn. That I cannot remember. I do remember that I continued around and around in circles for what felt like an eternity before losing my cell phone. My headlights were rapidly peering into total darkness. The sensation of falling while closing my eyes and trying to escape from what was unfolding before me. Learning much later that the plunge I had made was fourteen feet, and down into a deep, pitch black embankment and my car flipped four times. It felt as if happened within seconds, much faster than I can even comprehend. My headlights were gone and at that moment, into complete darkness I went. From then on, I cannot retrieve anymore memories. I woke up in the hospital, but I could not speak and my body was not responding. I could not turn my head at all. I tried lifting my weak arms. I could not do it. I feel partially dead, but alive at the same time.
All of a sudden and thank goodness for good ole adrenaline, I moved my eyes from side to side. I was consumed with anxiety, the adrenaline was giving me the strength I needed to lift one arm. As I moved my hand and slowly and touched my face, it was not like feeling my own face. My fingers slid slowly and slipping as I had no energy. My heart pounding even stronger now as I began moving my arm and my skin felt odd. I feel like there are layers of my face and skin shedding is off. Reminding me of peeling from a really bad sunburn. I am feeling bumps near my right eye. They are like peeling scabs, but not entirely. Nothing feels familiar anymore. I want a mirror. While my hand was moving, I feel a screw in my forehead. I am mortified.